ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
