Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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