So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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