apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
