i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
