just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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