I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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