if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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