Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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