epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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