there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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