I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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