I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
