I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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