i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
