A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
