can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
