he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
