my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's get the cat blown out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
