I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize