we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
