just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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