So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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