he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
