whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
