In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we're so committed to being not committed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
