Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
