If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
