Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
