Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
