i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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