Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
