Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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