Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I want is dick and wine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
