we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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