why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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