I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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