Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
