my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
