You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize