...so i touched it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
