just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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