My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
organizing the empties. That sober.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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