my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize