Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
