Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
