I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How does one acquire holy water?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
