had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
50% drunk capacity currently
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you never un-have a 4some
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
