it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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