i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
