Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
