I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
