The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize