You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
