Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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