Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Houston, we have a blender
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
