please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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