party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize