Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize