Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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