Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
