I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
