weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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