you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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