Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
