I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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