some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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