sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
