Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
