a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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